Meditations on Love in a Time of Fear

a poem + recording

MEDITATIONS ON LOVE IN A TIME OF FEAR

When my eyes go in every direction I want to ditch the words that you mouth that the people repeat without knowledge without understanding what is it that you think you mean when you tell me that you love me but never once have the nerve to stay with me in the belly of the night, in the heart of the wolf whose very blood beats through the canyons where I was born.

I come from the sea and have made the desert my oasis. My own season in hell never ending in which you repeatedly turn your face from me while I try desperately to look into your eyes. I, made from the bones of tiny creatures long dead, can shatter upon your touch. I put my hand in yours with a trust in this goodness, this richness at the back of my mouth. I’ve placed all my bets on this dream, a mirage in this shuttered town.

I am carving a new language from myself. Fleshy words that cannot be adulterated, that cannot lose their form. I send them out into this frayed world without a price. I will dig a space where the desert returns to its former life and my words will echo across this valley of death that was born from the deepest parts of the ocean.

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Originally published in Helen: a literary magazine.

Winner, Helen Stewart Poetry Award.